My grandmother left us for Heaven on Friday. Man, this has been tough! As you know I posted about what a crazy month it had been in January…
My parents and I left Georgia for Connecticut on January 14th and got back home on January 22nd. I returned to work – working January 23rd, 24th and 27th. January 28th was my mother’s birthday and on that day we left Georgia once again headed for a very cold and wintery Connecticut. It is a good thing we left that day because a horrible winter storm was headed straight for Georgia and stranded motorists all over the state or at least caused many people hours and hours of distress on the road. We left in the nick of time!
We made it to Connecticut Wednesday night and it was the very last time we ever heard my grandmother (Grammy) speak. I held my phone up to my grandmother for my brother to say hello and tell her he loved her. He repeated it a few times and she could not respond, although she looked like she wanted to. I stepped out of the room and started to cry telling my brother she couldn’t talk. When I returned to the room my grandmother mustered a faint “I love you” and then with a lot of effort she seemed to yell “I love you” and basically was “gone” after that. It took all the energy she had left in her 91 year old body. She faded in and out of seeming awake until we left the nursing home around 8:30 pm.
The next morning my grandmother was asleep in her bed when we arrived – mouth wide open and unable to really acknowledge us. Her breathing was so shallow…with long pauses between each breath. My grandmother had the bluest of blue eyes, and the one or two times she managed to open her eyes on Thursday there wasn’t a hint of blue to be seen. The eyes looking back at us were hollow – my grandmother (the woman I have known for 43 years) was gone. We told her numerous times that day that everything and everyone was/is okay and that my grandfather (Buppy/Daddy/Dan/Danny) was waiting on her. We left there knowing {in our hearts} that we would not be with her again on this earth. We all went to bed with heavy hearts and her weighing heavily on our minds.
I remember the ring of the phone…the sound will not leave my head! And, as the phone rang I heard my mother cry out saying “no, no, no”. At some point I remember the clock saying it was 4:38 am and I woke my step-father as my mom was on the phone. Time of death…4:15 am on Friday, January 31st! We rushed to get dressed and drove over to the nursing home to give her our final kisses and hugs – she was still warm. As sad as we were (and still are) the look of peace on her face, knowing she was no longer having a hard time breathing, and knowing she was on her way to my grandfather made us all feel better.
Now…before I continue I must tell you 2 things. Sometime before that call my mother heard a sound in the house – something dropped on the floor. She did not get up to look for where the sound came from. Later when she went into the bathroom she found the night light, which had been plugged in before we went to bed, on the floor. You have to know one thing about my grandmother – she hated wasting electricity and to her plugging in a night light when you would be sleeping was a waste. It seems that around this same time my brother, in Maine, heard my grandfather speaking to him. He was asleep and heard my grandfather loud and clear saying to him “you need to get up” – he heard this a couple times. And, then my brother said to him “no, you need to go see Grammy.” My grandfather must have woken him up to hear our phone call.
I was relatively calm at the nursing home until John MacDougall came from the funeral home – Byles-MacDougall Funeral Service in Connecticut (very compassionate family run business – and my parents went to school with the owners). We discussed the final arrangements and what would happen with scheduling the mass at my grandmother’s church. When we walked out of the room and I saw the gurney with the zipper bag I gasped – I could not imagine my grandmother being zipped into a bag. We walked toward the nurses station and thanked them for all they had done for her. Groton Regency went above and beyond with her care, as did Beacon Hospice. We are truly blessed to know that in her final weeks and months my grandmother was very well taken care of! I walked around the corner to see if Kathy from admissions was in yet – I went to school with her sister, my mom knew her mom, and my grandmother and grandfather participated in many productions at the Groton Senior Citizen Center that were produced by Kathy’s mom. Kathy had just gotten in at 7:30 am and had not yet heard the news. She came over to offer her condolences to my mom and while we were in the hall I saw John MacDougall walking my grandmother out…it was too much for me!
We ran a bunch of errands that afternoon trying to keep busy, yet all of them reminded us of her. Due to several other masses taking place on Saturday the funeral mass was scheduled for Monday morning. Unfortunately…Monday was a very snowy day so not very many were able to make it to the funeral or the cemetery afterwards. My grandmother went out with a “blaze of glory”! The snow was probably karma getting us back for replacing 3 light fixtures in her house with fixtures that took 2 bulbs instead of 1 – there we go wasting electricity again!
Although it was tough to miss so much work and drive back and forth twice, I would never ever trade it for anything! Seeing my grandmother a few weeks ago when she was able to talk to us and even sing…and then being there at the end was the best experience ever!
May you forever dance in heaven, Lillian Garcia! We will miss you each and every day!
You can read my grandmother’s obituary on Byles-MacDougall’s website – Lillian Garcia. If you would like to honor my grandmother or my family you can make a donation to St. Mary Mother of the Redeemer, American Cancer Society or your local Hospice Service.
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Sunrise as we were leaving the nursing home after my grandmother passed
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Arriving at the church for my grandmother's funeral
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At the cemetery
I would love to hear your positive stories about your grandparents, a stay at a nursing home, or working with Hospice!
I am so sorry for your loss. I know it is very sad. We lost our brother when he was only 27. It was very hard for us. Especially me, being the oldest and always taking care of all of my siblings. But, he was always a prankster. In fact, I swear it is him that keeps hiding my older sons belongings (one has already left the nest, and another is a teen). But, then ‘my brother’ will put them back in the exact spot they were in the day before. Very strange and unexplained things happen. But, I can always tell when it is someone I know and when it is someone I don’t want around. Thank you for sharing your heart with all of us. Blessings to you and your family.
Thank you! I can’t imagine losing someone that young. At least my grandmother had 91 wonderful years. I do firmly believe that our loved ones who have gone before us find ways to remind us that they are always with us!
So sorry to hear about the loss of your beloved grandmother. You are blessed to have been together with your family that way. Thinking of you and wishing you peace.
Thank you so much for your kind words!
As a Mom with one child, I too have had the same thought I don’t want my daughter to be alone when I pass. I completely related to your story and pray that, if I go after my husband, my daughter will have someone with her, hopefully her husband and/or children! Or someone like you that can help hold her up. I think that what you did, and do on a regular basis, to help your patients is outstanding! My own mother has been in and out of the hospital since I was just 4 years old, so I’ve watched the love and care provided to her for a long time. I’ve always thought of nurses as angels and your article just proves the point! Thank you for all you do!!! I am also happy to say that I work with you at CCBC!Take care and God bless!Laurie
Sorry to hear your sad news. It definitely seems that your grandmother was making herself ‘heard’ in the house as she died. It seems that kind of thing with time happens frequently. Spooky but interesting, or coincidence?! I know my mum said that all the clocks in the house stopped when my dad died.
We had a great experience with our local hospice with my mum just before Christmas. She was in there for 5 weeks so quite long term…holding on and obstinate. They were invaluable for my mum, and readily available for my brother and I if we needed them at any time during or after. We’ve since raised funds for them, and will continue to do so as hospices just make people’s last weeks and days so much more comfortable, attended and calm compared to hospitals.
Hope your family are all coping ok and remembering the good times.
#SITS blogging
My family has always been supportive of the local hospice organizations, and they deserve it! I’m glad they were able to be there for you and your family when you needed them!
You have written a touching and respectful post. My mom works for hospice and she’s very good at pain control. They really try and make people comfortable. I remember my grandmother passing (she lived with us) and the last two weeks she was really needing care. But it was sad.
Thank you for the note – I was truly blessed to spend time with her at the end. So many do not get that chance! Your mother is a very special person to do hospice work – it takes a special kind of person to do that!
aww Heather I’m sorry for your loss. 🙁 That’s an amazing story about the nightlight though; made me get teary. It’s a comfort knowing you will see her again!
Although I do not want to leave this earth yet…I’m ready to see her again and anyone else who has gone before me!
I’m so very sorry for your loss. It’s so difficult to lose family, but I’ve found losing a grandma to be particularly hard.
My grandma was an amazing person and so much fun to spend time with. I grew up next door to her and am so grateful for all the time I was able to spend with her all those years. She passed away when I was in college and I miss her dearly every day.
I’m working on a project of memories and stories of her this year and it has been lovely so far. It’s hard to write some of it sometimes, because the tears get in the way, but overall, I know this is a worthwhile project and it’s bringing me much joy.
I have so many wonderful photos and memories that I can reflect on – that at least helps deal with the loss!
Before my dad died last August, I didn’t really understand it when I read obituaries thanking the caregivers from hospice. Now I know how much they can mean to the family at the end. Glad you have such wonderful memories of your grandmother and were able to be there with her. Hope those memories are present with you during this hard time.
Nursing home and hospice workers are so great. It’s a job I could never do – their love and patience is beyond words!
I am so sorry for your loss, Heather. Grandparents are such special people. I am so blessed to have my mother’s parents still living. My pap just turned 92 and my grandmother will do the same in July. They are our family’s treasure!
Thank you. It was truly a blessing to have her in my life, and to spend those last days with her!
Once again, I’m so sorry for you loss Heather. Know that you are truly in my thoughts and prayers!
Thank you! Everyone has been so kind!
I am so very sorry for your loss. I lost my Nan (grandmother) in January 2011 and miss that old woman like crazy. Some days, even though it has been 2 years since she passed, I still see things and think “I need to show/tell Nan that”. She is such an amazing woman. Her husband passed away when my mom was only 8 months old and my Nan was pregnant with my uncle. She somehow raised 4 children (who all turned out pretty well) all on her own. My mom told me that they never went hungry and always had clothes on their backs.
I find that many people of previous generations seem so much more resilient than we are today…they learned to make due with nothing. We tend to whine until we are spoiled and get our way or can find someone else to do it for us. Of course, that is a very broad generalization, but my grandmother came from the depression era and you did what you could with nothing – including electricity (which is why she always told us we were being wasteful). Her husband, my grandfather, died 8.5 years ago and she missed him each and every day. She couldn’t wait to be with him, but yet she really hung on here with us until the bitter end. It will be strange not to talk to her so often. My mother was an only child and she and I will now no longer take yearly road trips to CT to visit my Grammy. It will be odd after doing it 4 years in a row!
So very beautifully written. It is so sweet that she made sure to say goodbye; I can tell there is a lot of love in your family. I wish you and your family strength and warmth in this tough time.
Thank you for your kind words…we do have a lot of love in our family and for that I am truly blessed!