Stop laughing…I can hear you!

I don’t like to cook, and all of my friends and family know that. They further know that my attempts at cooking have been horrible at best. Last night my mom and I were on our way to meet some friends for dinner and as I was driving I was telling my mom about the few meals I’ve made in my 44 years on this earth.

I was laughing so hard I thought I’d share with all of you, and I’m going to tell you “my” recipe exactly as I know it and would repeat it to anyone.

Minute Rice
One cup water
One cup rice
Boil water
Add rice – ready in ONE minute.

Guess what?  It really isn’t ready in ONE minute despite it’s name of Minute Rice. I thought it was done and put it in a bowl, added butter, salt, pepper and took a bite. A very crunchy bite, I might add. So, I put it in the microwave to try and finish cooking it. Did I mention I had drained the water out before adding my butter and seasoning? I threw the rice out and ate a PB&J sandwich.

Beef Stroganoff  (or as I called it Beef Cubed Beef)
Put a little water in the bottom of a 8×11 pan (or whatever size a pan comes in like that)
A package of cubed beef
A package of brown gravy (it’s a powder)
Something else in a packet
Cut up onion
Cut up green pepper (according to my mother you wouldn’t put green pepper in a stroganoff which is why mine is called Beef Cubed Beef)

Cook it in the oven for however long you cook beef on whatever temperature it should be

Make noodles and pour over the noodles to serve. Or, if you are like me eat it on the side because I don’t like gravy and beef on noodles.

Chicken Breast with Bacon
Clean a chicken breast
Season it on both sides with Mrs Fields (that’s Mrs Dash to you cooking types)
Put in a pan or on a cooking sheet
I think you might need oil on the pan, but I’m not sure
Put strips of bacon on top

Cook in the oven for however long you cook chicken on the appropriate temperature

Now, broil for a few minutes to do what you need to for the bacon (not sure if it crisps it up or makes the chicken more flavorful)

Serve with your favorite side dishes

I cooked these meals many, many years ago and remember nothing about them other than they weren’t extremely successful and well, I never found my love for cooking!  Lucky for me my Grammy and mom have always been great cooks and so I haven’t starved to death!

I hope my recipes inspire you today!  Do you have any recipe fails to share?  Or funny cooking story?  I would love to hear all about it!