I have mixed emotions on this day…it’s been 9 months to the day that my stepfather passed away unexpectedly. It’s also my birthday.  It’s also Memorial Day. Today I turn 45 and we would have surely all gone out for a special lunch or something to celebrate. Each year on birthdays, my parents’ anniversary, and other special days we would usually go somewhere yummy for lunch or dinner. It’s hard to want to celebrate a birthday milestone when someone so special is missing from our lives.

Mom Dan Me

Mom and I sure have been through a lot since then. Not only am I not excited about my birthday because Dan isn’t here with us, but after 2 lumbar steroid injections and 2 surgeries for a herniated disc (I re-herniated the same disc only weeks after my 1st surgery) I am just not “feeling it” it this year.

How can it be 9 months already? It seems like only yesterday, and yet sometimes it seems like forever. We miss him immensely and there are days where it just seems like he should be walking in the door from work any minute…

I have said to a few people recently that it’s a good thing that I have a generally sunny disposition (well, except when I’m driving) and a good attitude about life in general. I’m good at laughing at myself and seeing the positive in things. If I didn’t have a good attitude I would be able to completely understand how people end up suffering from depression. Between everything that happened in 2014 with losing my grandmother and Dan, my surgery just before New Year’s 2014 and now these back issues and surgery I could certainly slip into a state of depression.

Thankfully my mom and I are good at making each other laugh – right down to the laughing fit I had after getting the skin on my thigh pinched between the toilet seat and toilet while in the hospital the beginning of May. I mean – if you can’t laugh at that you don’t have a sense of humor at all! Although, that kind of thing probably only happens to me so maybe you haven’t even encountered it and been given the opportunity to laugh.

I can only say I’m glad it’s a day off from work…some days no matter what is going on in your life – you don’t want to be at work, and this would be one of those days. And, if you believe in angels in Heaven, please pray that Dan gets his wings soon because my mom and I could seriously use an angel watching over us.  If we can’t have him here with us physically we would at least like to feel his presence among us!

Here’s hoping the next 9 months are a heck of a lot better!  We miss you Dan, and I hate you can’t be here with us to celebrate my 45th year on earth!